"Shabbat Shalom"

Before a marble stone staircase I stood, head craning upwards, apprehensive and slightly afraid. At the apex were 3 sets of grand mahogany doors. I circled the periphery of the building, trying side doors, to no avail. I stood before those imposing doors, contemplating the consequences my various options.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. There was no choice. I walked up the stairs, my legs beginning to feel gelatinous. I tried the first set of doors. Locked. I pulled open the second set of doors, looming over me. As they opened, the pace of my heart began to rise. My anxiety became more visceral.

Immediately upon stepping inside, a kind man said to me, "Shabbat Shalom." I whispered it back. In my dazed confusion, I meandered about. 2 kind souls gestured to me, beckoning this stranger forth. I sat with them, and they made me feel welcome.

I knew I had come to the right place when the rebbe, a woman, began to sing, and the entire congregation followed suit. I was in a room of angels, and they were clapping, singing, humming, swaying.

At first, I mouthed the songs, clapped silently, afraid to establish any presence of my own. But I realized, this was a safe space. I felt my voice stir in my chest, and I sung.

I look forward to next friday.