Yom Kippur

On Yom Kippur that just passed, we (Jews) are expected to reflect and repent for our transgressions against God (as opposed to others). I do not believe in God, but I think that repenting for the transgressions of character, for my internal weaknesses, is the approach bearing most resemblance. In fact, I take it from Mussar, the Jewish approach to character development.

So what have been my character flaws this past year? How have I sinned? For what shall I prostrate myself, beg for forgiveness, strive to redeem myself?

1. Tainting my mind and body with pharmacological substances (I have since renounced intoxication)
2. Wasting time with petty distractions (facebook, e-mail, television, walking back and forth contriving that I am accomplishing something of significance)
3. Being without humility. I can accept my arrogance, but only if I can be humble as well. I have seen myself as superior to others. There is not excuse for that.
4. Being without gratitude. I have so much, yet have found it so easy to see the unpleasant, the undesirable... When I have tried to be grateful, I have done it with words, but without visceral emotion.
5. Being impatient. When I am distracted by another person from some task, regardless of its importance or merit, I find myself quickly upset, even if that person has much more to offer, in the way of connectedness, that whatever activity I am engaged in.
6. Being disordered. I have let chaos reign.
7. Being unenthusiastic. This life is a blessed gift. Every moment should be a revelation, a dance, a joy... even the worst moments, the slowest moments... It is not sadness that inhibits my unenthusiasm, however, but routine... I should see that no moment is ever to be repeated, that it is entirely unique...

I take measures to correct these deficits, but these measures have not been sufficient. I intend to redevelop my approach...